


My Heart Leaps Up

by Janie_17



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M, Romantic Friendship, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-01
Updated: 2013-05-01
Packaged: 2017-12-10 03:05:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janie_17/pseuds/Janie_17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reading poetry brings Todd and Neil together in a new way that neither boy was sure the other wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Heart Leaps Up

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Dead Poets Society, nor do I own the characters herein.

Todd lounged on his bed, listening as Neil’s voice washed over him in gentle waves. The other boy was reading aloud from their poetry textbook, a habit he had whenever a verse particularly struck him. Normally Todd was fond of quiet, but he loved the sound of Neil’s voice, so strong, yet soft and caring. Earlier in the semester these thoughts had bothered him as they nagged at the back of his consciousness threatening to slip out inappropriately. Now, however, he had given in and didn’t even try to fight them, allowing his thoughts for Neil Perry to fill his mind. His thoughts about how thoughtful he was, and what a great leader he was for the club. Thoughts about how lovely his voiced sounded and the adorably rapt look on his face when he read. 

“And you, O my Soul, where you stand,  
Surrounded, surrounded, in measureless oceans of space,  
Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing,—seeking the spheres, to connect them;  
Till the bridge you will need, be form’d—till the ductile anchor hold;  
Till the gossamer thread you fling, catch somewhere, O my Soul.”

Neil sighed, clutching the book to his chest as he finished reading. “Doesn’t that just move you, Todd?” 

“Y-yeah, it does. It’s beautiful,” he muttered back. He was fairly sure that the poem, while lovely, wasn’t what had moved him. In fact, he was pretty sure it was that Neil had felt him worthy to share it with was what was so moving. He smiled shyly. “You sounded really nice reading it,” he said softly. 

If Neil was shocked by the unusual compliment, then he didn’t show it. “Thanks!” he grinned back. He tossed the book to Todd. “What do you think, ever going to give reading aloud a try?” 

The lighter-haired boy tossed it back quickly. “No th-thanks. I’m fine.” He nervously chewed his lower lip at the thought, closing his eyes as he pictured the worst case scenarios of him doing such a thing, one of which involved spontaneous combustion, and another, a severe lack of clothing. “Besides, you do enough for the both of us.” He chuckled weakly at the slight jab he made at his friend. Neil frowned. 

“Does it bother you? When I just randomly read out loud?”

“W-w-what? No. Of course not. I really like to hear…I …er, m-mean to say, you always p-pick out good ones that I’d like to r-r-read anyway.” He stammered nervously, remembering why he had so often fought to keep his less decent thoughts out of his mind. It was just not appropriate to tell one’s friend and roommate that you like to hear their voice, no matter how true it was. Not even if said friend and roommate would probably just take it as a compliment and move on. 

“Oh, good. Because I don’t want to bother you. And if I do, you should just go ahead and tell me. But you said I don’t, so okay.” 

“Um, right.” Todd nodded with confusion. Neil wasn’t normally so strange about things. He didn’t normally ask if Todd was okay with the things he did in their room unless it was something outlandish, like acting out his lines as Puck at 9:30 at night. 

“Want to hear another?” he asked, flipping to a random page. 

“Yeah, sure,” his voice was soft and breathless in anticipation of hearing Neil’s wonderful mouth wrap its self around the words of another great poet. 

“This is a super short one.” He cleared his throat before starting. 

“My heart leaps up when I behold  
A rainbow in the sky:  
So was it when my life began,  
So is it now I am a man,  
So be it when I shall grow old  
Or let me die!  
The child is father of the man:  
And I could wish my days to be  
Bound each to each by natural piety.” 

“That one was really beautiful.” Todd said after silence had fallen thick between them. 

“It was William Wordsworth. The other was Walt Whitman.” Todd nodded. “I guess I’m into alliteration today!” Neil joked, with a grin. 

“Or you have a thing for the letter W,” he said, smiling back, good naturedly. 

“That could be very possible!” The two laughed for a moment. “I really like that phrase.” 

“Hmm?” 

“ ‘My heart leaps up’.” Neil said softly, turning to look at his roommate, a curious look in his eye. 

“Yeah, me too. It’s n-nice.” He grimaced as his stutter, quelled by their joking, made a swift return. 

“My heart leaps up,” he said again, rolling the phrase around his mouth like a sip of fine brandy. “My heart leaps up when I behold…” Todd watched a quick flicker of emotion wash over his friend as Neil sat up on the bed, turned to look at him. “You,” he ended with. Todd felt his face heat up and he looked away quickly, trying to laugh it off. 

He brain was in total shut-down mode, not really able to focus on anything but what Neil had just jokingly said. It was joking, right, he wondered to himself. Well, of course it was a joke, he was the only one with those types of thoughts and obviously Neil had figured it out and was messing with him. Unless he wasn’t. That thought scared him as much, if not more than the idea that he was being messed with. In his mental dilemma he hadn’t realised that minutes were ticking by since Neil had spoken. 

“Um, Todd?” he asked, sounding uncertain. 

“Yeah, Neil?” His response was equally uncertain, maybe more so, in that he still refused to look back toward the other boy, in fear that his face may give something away that he wasn’t really sure he wanted known. 

“Am I wrong?” 

“What?” Todd gasped, turning to look at his friend’s tentative face. 

“Am I wrong, in thinking that…that maybe…”

In an attempt to lighten the tension Todd laughed weakly, “I-I thought I was the one with the st-stutter.” 

“Heh, yeah.” Neil paused awkwardly for a moment before straightening himself out and standing abruptly. “You know what? Carpe diem is just a couple meaningless words unless you act on it!” He crossed the few feet separating their beds with short purposeful strides. 

“Neil,” Todd squeaked out, “what are you doing?” 

“Seizing the day,” he said boldly as he crashed his lips down upon the other boy’s, who was too shocked to react before Neil was pulling away as suddenly as it had started. 

“I…I…I…w-what? I-I…” Todd stuttered out, blinking rapidly in shock. His face was bright crimson. “What? Why did you…?”

The remaining confidence was visibly draining from Neil’s face and body as Todd struggled for words. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “That was, I shouldn’t have.”

“No,” Neil’s face fell that fraction more at the word, “It was…I liked it.” Todd chuckled nervously, hoping the sound didn’t come off as a little manic. 

Light sprung back into the dark haired boy’s face. “Oh!” He grinned. “Good. That makes me feel way less stupid for that. And for thinking about you.” 

“You th-think about me.” Todd restated, hoping his ears weren’t playing a trick on him. “In what way?” 

“Oh, well, I don’t know, in every way?” Neil thought for a moment before continuing. “About how good of a friend you are. And that impromptu poem Keating made you give for the class, that was really something, you know? And…and about your laugh. How nice it is to hear you laugh and see you smile. And your face when you sleep.” Todd scrunched up his nose in response. “I swear that isn’t as creepy as it sounds!” 

“S-s-sure, Neil.” 

“No, it’s just that sometimes I wake up at night and can’t fall back asleep. So there isn’t really anything to do but just sit there. If I turned a light on to read it would wake you up. But I like to see how peaceful you look, normally during the day you are so uptight all the time.” 

Todd rolled his eyes as a small smile crossed his face. He chewed his bottom lip for a moment before saying quietly, “I think about you too.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Good,” Neil said firmly, leaning forward. “Because I’m going to kiss you again.” He recaptured Todd’s lips softly and gently, giving him time to protest. They kissed slowly, tentatively, for a moment before breaking apart. Todd giggled. “What?” 

“I think I know what Wordsworth meant when he said ‘my heart leaps up’.” 

He grinned at Neil who replied simply, “Yeah, me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> AN: The poems used in this are “A Noiseless Patient Spider” by Walt Whitman and “My heart leaps up when I behold” by William Wordsworth


End file.
